Dreams

Growing up I had many dreams and hope and thoughts about what my future would be like, what i would want to do when i grow up. ..Things change, dreams change, hopes change... The two dreams that have stuck with me constantly as i grew up .. One was to have a cat. The other was to be a Journalist..I dont even remember when i started wanting a cat. I wanted a pet, my first preference was a dog, but that was an impossibility given my parents dislike of dogs, so i switched to wanting a cat. and much arguments and tantrums later we got a cat. and so the story continued. and today i have my cat..Wanting a cat was a dream that i shared far and wide, throughout my life. but being a Journalist was something that i kept close to my heart. maybe it was easier to want a cat than to want to be a Journalist... getting a cat was something external to me...being a Journalist was something that had to come from within... and thats scary... but as a child nothing is scary... its later when your dreams are trampled on that its becomes scary. you lose that fearlessness and as time goes by, the dream slips away. i held onto it for as long as i could but it was so insubstantial, i couldnt hold on to it. it slipped away...and then it just hurt to hold on to it... so i let it go. i actively choose not to pursue it anymore. part of it was just out of spite, part of it was hurt and resentment and mostly it was because it hurt too much to hold on...I let it go. I thought i let it go. if i really had, why does it hurt when i write it. why do i in the corner of my mind still hold on to that tiny little struggling hope...But just as hard as it is to let go..I can't even imagine believing again. I peek into the corner of my mind where that little hope hides and it shudders with the thought of bringing it out to the light... There is just to much to overcome to do anything about it... So gotta let it go. Let go and breathe. Accept. Move on.

Kidzaniaaaa

When Assad was off to Abudhabi last week...Celmira and me were off to Kidzania for Third time...I'm sure most of you mummies and daddies have heard of this awesome place. No need further introduction from me right? It is a world they can call their own. No adults are allowed!!! They can become anyone they wished within the walls of KidZania...KidZania aims to provide children and their parents a safe, unique, and very realistic educational environment that allows kids between the ages of four to 12 to do what comes naturally to them: role-playing by mimicking traditionally adult activities...WOW...We never had anythng like this in our times..There are real-life activities at these establishments with the busy reporter on his assignment, a fireman putting out fires, a beautician at work , a TV crew in the midst of a TV production, a doctor saving a life,Adults are not allowed to enter the role-play establishments except for the Theatre and the TV Studio. They can observe through the windows...Actually I brought along a book with me just in case I got too bored while the Celi is having fun but I didn't get to read a single line... The kids were just too cute...here, you'll see kids listening attentively and concentrating hard on their tasks or chores. Some parents were amazed that their kids were so 'helpful' and 'diligent in carrying out the chore' when it's the opposite back home... haha! :-))

So I’m sitting here on and off all morning because my daughter makes me nuts! What were the fights about this morning? What weren’t the fights about?.. First thing in the morning we had a sweet cuddle, but as soon as we finished breakfast the fights began... She doesn’t want to do homework! She doesn’t want to get dressed! She doesn’t want to stop playing her iPad and rush for her school bus..short! Mama, you never understand anything!....Why say yes when you can say no? ....Why say no when you can scream it? my six-year-old is a complex child..entirely different from the five-year-old... Though many of the changes are for the good — Six is growing more mature, more independent, more daring and adventurous... Relationships with mothers are crazy here...ahemm ahemmm

lets face it.... im a moody person.... n i hv become so concious of my body... i cant change that anymore than i can change the colour of my hair...yee.another analogy would be my obsession with myself.... more like reality..I need to control my food intake too and i need to be well fed all the time... I'm picky about what i eat therefore i need to eat what suits me... If i dont eat and must eat what i like cos otherwise i wont eat.. my energy levels go down and that leads to my injuries and to others too...hehe.. Now people who know me might laugh at how much importance i give to food ..the past few days I've started paying more attention to wut i eat and i eat right food and the things that impact my health.. this is survival... i try and avoid conflict...thxx i avoid thinking about whats wrong in the world. i dont think about the past, i adapt to the situation around me so that i have no regrets about what is lost or what cant be... living in the moment and being happy in that moment... thats not to say that i havent learnt from my past or i dont think about the future... or that i care only about myself. I cant have people around me be unhappy because that makes me unhappy. so i try and make them happy...I finally had some measure of control in my life and over my feelings... we were talking about eating... not eating = crankiness... mix that up and include a back injury ... well you can just imagine...I m hungry .. i think i'll go eat something... damn damn damn....you know sometimes in the middle of the night when i cant sleep for a while and i start feeling hungry ..i then start dreaming of eggs and... toast....well dats my comfort food.

There has been no place where this blog wasn’t written My sofa, my bed, my beanbag...the most favorite..sitting in balcony... I still don’t know why my fingers were vibrating while typing this on my laptop...Here I am.. flashing back all the memories that live with somewhere in deep corners of my heart... Peeling the layer one by one and looking them.. smiling and sometimes blushing... How was I long back ago ?...All the things that I came across..each individual I have met..every song I have heard..every place where I visited... I don't remember everybody's names...but yes, I know.. You all are the reason for me...where I am standing right now...Its been 29 years of my life..but what Life means,I learnt it today...Its about being to yourself only..All the mistakes I did in past..I have compiled them all and given them a name called 'Experience'....Today, I realized it.. being truthful is the best option for everything...Thank you all..the one who had been a part of my life, made me realize what actually things are and how to live with and without them !I have met people.. who wished, prayed and cared for me always. And they, only they are my strengths...Almost everybody taught me the lesson of patience..which makes me stand strong today..

There comes a point in life where Fun no longer means clubbing,drinking or being out till 4am or thinking about yourself! Fun means Disney movies,family dinners,bed time stories,long cuddles,messy house,sleeping by 10 Pm and hearing little voice says 'I love U'.Becoming a Parents doesnt change u, it makes u realize that the little People YOU created deserves the best of your TIME :)

Its been 17 days that a new year has started..for me...its always been calender rolling in...but thinking of the year gone back...i can sum up 2012 in words...few months brought me lot of happiness and unforgettable memories for life time and few months gave me strange experiences to learn the reality of life..i went through my old posts today and re- reading it ..i smiled at myself for writing with so much of innocence and i wish i could write that way again...i obviously can..i have so much to say...so many things to write but donht know what resists my feelings to be penned down..maybe somehow confused..