Dreams

Growing up I had many dreams and hope and thoughts about what my future would be like, what i would want to do when i grow up. ..Things change, dreams change, hopes change... The two dreams that have stuck with me constantly as i grew up .. One was to have a cat. The other was to be a Journalist..I dont even remember when i started wanting a cat. I wanted a pet, my first preference was a dog, but that was an impossibility given my parents dislike of dogs, so i switched to wanting a cat. and much arguments and tantrums later we got a cat. and so the story continued. and today i have my cat..Wanting a cat was a dream that i shared far and wide, throughout my life. but being a Journalist was something that i kept close to my heart. maybe it was easier to want a cat than to want to be a Journalist... getting a cat was something external to me...being a Journalist was something that had to come from within... and thats scary... but as a child nothing is scary... its later when your dreams are trampled on that its becomes scary. you lose that fearlessness and as time goes by, the dream slips away. i held onto it for as long as i could but it was so insubstantial, i couldnt hold on to it. it slipped away...and then it just hurt to hold on to it... so i let it go. i actively choose not to pursue it anymore. part of it was just out of spite, part of it was hurt and resentment and mostly it was because it hurt too much to hold on...I let it go. I thought i let it go. if i really had, why does it hurt when i write it. why do i in the corner of my mind still hold on to that tiny little struggling hope...But just as hard as it is to let go..I can't even imagine believing again. I peek into the corner of my mind where that little hope hides and it shudders with the thought of bringing it out to the light... There is just to much to overcome to do anything about it... So gotta let it go. Let go and breathe. Accept. Move on.