This is probably the most honest note I have ever posted on my Blog...This is one of those things that one writes in your private diary and wants nobody to read them...But I had this urge to blog about it...coz I had hidden it from myself for so long that I wanted to unhide it now not just from myself but everyone...Time has cleared my head about a lot of things, about myself....not the dark side of me..but Me....I am selfish-very selfish!.... I take more than I give... I am not Money Minded... I am a dependent person......... I am demanding in a relationship!... I end up controlling others lives.... I am rude and mean and hurt others to seek revenge!...I am short-tempered and hurt others with my words!....This is Me.... Sorry..... Not sorry for being me....but for how me would have hurt those who are with me...but there is someone who loves me inspite of all these...he does and I believe him....I wanted to be his wife and ended up being his best friend....Its nice to finally see things clearly...and this is not a self-pity post...just my first attempt to be honest to myself...no no this is not the effect of sach ka samna!!!..I dont intend to change myself after this coz I am not sure if I can and want to change any of it.....this is Me...take it or leave it....

You know those dreams you have when you are in school?... you know those ones... the one where you are naked in front of class or its exam day and you forgot to study for it or its late at night and you are alone in a dark school ....my classic school nightmares were usually about an exam and not knowing where the exam room was or forgetting to study....All those nightmares are classic stress, dislike and sheer boredom and annoyance with school....but i dont get such kind of dreams anymore...is it the signs of a well balanced life.....!!!

Really sorry for not staying in touch for past few months... Life has been maniac between shifting my house here in dubai... And then travelling to mumbai for two weeks....well time just flew wen i was in mumbai...right from may i was waiting for our gateaway to hometown mumbai... But the best part was 4 days vacation to shimla.....knew it was going to be great! We flew from mumbai to chandigarh with kingfisher airlines... Chandigarh airport is a small airport... Our friend kapil was waiting for us...it was 4 hrs drive from chandigarh to shimla... By the time v reached shimla... It was 9:30 pm... V were dead tired... And v got a shock that the lift which takes people from the stop to the shimla city was closed... Uhhhh v had to climb that steep mountain with our luggages and ourselves... Tht climb was steep 8 storey climb....but wen we reached kapils house, it was worth it! Unlike tourists we were staying at our friends house which was a 100 yr old hpuse with a scenic view from windows... Next morning wen v woke up...shimla town is utter chaos with people, shops everywhr... It ws a relaxed holiday,Since we were staying in friends house with homemade local cusine...next few days we went to naladhera and kufri which had beautiful cedar forests, peaks and valleys..... The best part was u will not find any fans and a/c in himachal... U get to breathe fresh, non polluted air...This was an amazing vaccation,,, now back to reality!!!

With celi we always use our mother tongue urdu/hindi at home.....and she understands both languages english aswell as hindi and knows common words in both languages... But from few days I had begun to wonder if speaking 2 languages is confusing her speech development in any way!.... At the same time I didn't want to change our habit of conversing with her in our languauge..because if we stop speaking then there is no way she can learn the language.... I truly believe in the theory that, the younger the kids, the faster they learn new languages....I somehow don't like it when people say that they switched to speaking english at home after the kids started going to school here abroad, because the kids get confused with learning two languages.... And then when the kids grow a little older, they send them to weekend classes to learn mother tongue!! When we parents don't speak that language with them, how can we expect the kids to learn the language through some outsider is what I don't get!!!????

Life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans!

From past few days we have been noticing that celi picks any tiny dirt that's fallen on the floor and gives it to any one of us saying.."lo..lo"... She keeps doing that until we have taken it from her hand...same with our shoes...as we enter our house and if we dont keep our shoes back in the shoe rack..she will come after us picking the shoe and saying "lo..lo"....Wish she could do that for her toys as well....those things are almost always scattered everywhere around the house...I know I know, that's too much to expect from a toddler...

I love being a mom...

I got this forward from a friend and after reading this I felt every word of it is so true..

Before I was a Mom..I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby..I never thought about immunizations....
Before I was a Mom..I had never been:Puked on...Pooped on...Chewed on...Peed on...I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts....I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom..I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests...Or give vaccination shots...I never looked into teary eyes and cried...I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin...I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom...I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down...I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt...I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much...I never knew that I could love someone so much...I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom..I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body...I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby...I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child...I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom..I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay...I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom...